Every “Yes” contains a “No”

Whenever you say "Yes" you are also saying "No" to something else.

Saying "Yes" feels really good doesn't it. Most of us are people-pleasers at heart and saying "yes" to people makes us feel like we are doing somethig good for them. That, in turn makes us feel good about ourselves. Sadly, some people seem to be very good at manipulating that mechanism and that's when we start to feel used. Instead of that nice warm glow because we have done something good for another person, we start to feel diminished and demoralised.

Whatever our reasons for saying "Yes", we also need to give some thought to what we are not going to be able to do because of the "yes" we have just given. or in other words:

What is this "yes" going to cost me?

For instance, if I say "Yes" to helping a colleague with her project plan, I have to say "No" to working on my presentation next week. Or, if I say "Yes" to working late at the office, I have to say "No" to sharing the tea table with my kids. Only you can decide what the relative importance of your various options are but the only sensible time to calculate those values is BEFORE you choose between them. Calculating AFTER you have chosen is called "regret" and it is called regret because there is nothing you can do about it.

I talk to many people in the course of my work and most of them feel that they are out of control with respect to time. The main reason for this seems to be that they are saying "Yes" too often,  without calculating the cost of those decisions. The remedy is not easy but it is relatively simple.

Determine your top 3 priorities and, for every demand on your time, ask yourself "Will this help me get closer to achieving one of my 3 priorities or further away?" If it gets you closer, you should do it. If it takes you further away, you should not do it.

Once you have decided what you WILL do, try and work out the cost, in terms of the things you will now not be able to do. Can you live with that cost? If you can; no problem! If you cannot, then you either need to find a way to live with it or you need to reallocate that time to something else.